Remember back in the day, when I used to update this blog several times a week with boob and poop and crazy grandma stories? Yea. Those were the good times. Back when the most mobile thing about Luki were the projectiles flying out of his bottom.

Now? The speed at which he traverses the entire house on his tippy toes rivals anything NASA has sent into orbit.

(Luki walks on his toes most of the time. At first I thought it was cute, but then I googled “toe walking” and discovered that, although it’s very common, it could be an early indicator of Cerebral Palsy, or Autism, or Sensory Processing Disorder. And, because I’m crazy, that’s what I’ve chosen to believe.

No, there are no other symptoms that point to any those ailments. And my mom apparently walked on her toes for most of her toddler years. She turned out relatively fine, you know, minus her inability to leave the house without a package of Clorox wipes. Still, I have continued to google and type “toe walking” into the search boxes of blogs about kids with special needs. Because, did I mention? I’M CUH-RAZY. It’s just like when I was pregnant and convinced myself I saw a bird claw in the ultrasound picture. I was sure I’d give birth to a pigeon/human hybrid even though I’d never had intercourse with a feathered creature.)

Anyway, despite only using about a third of his foot, he moves at lightning speed. So I spend the vast majority of my time at home trying to stop him from hurling himself down the stairs or from opening the kitchen drawers and licking the steak knives.

What is that you say? Most of these hassles could be resolved by babyproofing our home?

Yea. I thought the first three paragraphs of this post had already established that I don’t really do rational.

Also, Luki goes to bed late. Like at 9:30 p.m., sometimes 10:00 p.m. We have two reasons for putting him on this schedule. Number One: We really like him. And since we both work and get home in the late afternoon, we like to extend our time in the evening with him. Number Two: We like to sleep in. By putting him to bed late, we can get him to sleep until about 8:30 or 9 in the morning, which is awesome.

I have no idea where this post is going.

Oh yea. I think I’m supposed to be trying to explain why I haven’t been blogging as much. That’s it. Luki and his late night toe walking are keeping me busy.

But also, another reason, perhaps the biggest reason, is that I’ve had some sadness for the last couple of weeks.

I don’t know, you guys. Everything. Life. My job. Time. Mostly, that my dad is still dead.

He is still dead and I don’t feel any better about it. And I think I psyched myself up with this “everything happens for a reason” mentality and have been expecting something amazing. I’ve been looking for The Reason, but I just can’t find it anywhere.

And the clarity of the days after his death is gone. You know? The perspective, the Wow Being Alive is Awesome feeling. So I feel the sadness doubly. Because he is dead. And because sometimes I still let stupid, little things upset me even though the most upsetting thing of all already happened. It makes me sad to feel sad about anything other than the fact he’s not here.

And in case you were still unsure, that last sentence puts the final nail in the coffin: I am totally insane.

So there you have it. I’ve been busy, and sad, and completely nuts. And now that I’ve told you, well, I feel a bit better. Thanks for that.