Everybodylovesbaby

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Your grandpa was awesome! Week #41

Dear Luki,

An amazing thing happened in the world today. Thirty-three Chilean miners who had been trapped underground for over two months were rescued. One by one, the men were brought up from the depths of the earth and reunited with their families. It’s a wonderful story. A miracle. And every time I saw one of those miners hug his relatives on the surface, I got a bit teary eyed. I am so happy for them and their loved ones.

But also, I must admit, I am a bit jealous. Jealous that their tragedy had a happy ending and our family’s didn’t. That they got the miracle they prayed for and our pleas to God went unanswered. That a simple fall from a simple ladder meant the end for your grandpa while these men, who were put in a much more difficult situation, got a second chance at life.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I know it. But envy is one of my biggest flaws, and since your grandpa died, the grass always seems to be greener somewhere else.

I also know this isn’t what he would want. I can’t recall a single time in which your grandpa expressed anything that remotely resembled jealousy. In fact, it was quite the opposite with him. He never saw anything in his own life that he considered unjust, instead, he was constantly consumed by how he could remedy the injustices in the lives of others.

He was so positive. So content. And he would feel such genuine happiness when good things happened to other people. Utter and complete happiness, without a trace of anything else.

In a way, Luki, I’m stuck deep inside a mine of sorts. A mine of sadness and anger and denial. I still have moments throughout the day in which the fact that my father has been gone for almost a year strikes me like a bucket of cold water. In which I feel like screaming and kicking holes into walls. In which I get angry at every old man I see because he is alive and my dad isn’t. Moments in which my happiness over thirty-three incredibly courageous men is marred by an ugly feeling of why them? why not us?

If your grandpa were in a mine with me, I know exactly what he’d tell me. That I should be thankful to have survived. That everything is going to be OK. That, despite the current darkness, the world is filled with light.

And I would believe him.

Love,

Mom

One Response to “ Your grandpa was awesome! Week #41 ”

  1. Juan Miguel Marin says:

    Ailen, no tengo palabras… me costó mucho leer este relato y siento tu dolor, pero por otro lado toda la bondad de tu papá está en tus palabras… no dejes de escribir.

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