Dear Luki,

I want you to know that your grandpa was a kind man. And I’m not just saying that because he always offered to pay for dinner when he was out with friends and family, or because he donated hundreds of hours of his time and talent volunteering through our church in Guatemala.

He was a kind man because he never held a grudge. Because, although he was an excellent judge of character and could always tell when someone was going to swindle him, he continued to give people the benefit of the doubt. And because he always chose to focus on the good in others instead of judging them for their mistakes.

Your grandpa taught me that to be kind means a lot more than just giving people things, Luki.

Being kind means not getting upset when your wife scrapes the paint off the brand new car while pulling out of the garage. It’s giving the colleague who took a really long time to pay for your work a second chance. It’s letting your adult daughter know that, even though you are disappointed about her decision to move in with her boyfriend, you trust that she thought things through and respect her autonomy.

Now that he’s gone, whenever I face a quandary, I find myself pondering, “how would your grandpa handle this?” And the answer is always unequivocal: with kindness.

Recently, I faced a situation that had me asking myself that question. Your grandma donated a car to someone she believed was in dire need of transportation only to find out that, after being in possession of the gift, the person decided to sell it for a profit. It was quite a crooked thing to do and, when I originally learned of what had happened, I was really upset. How could this person take advantage of my mother this way? The nerve! The gall! This is why you can’t trust anyone!

And then… I thought about your grandpa. And I knew that, instead of brooding over the incident, he would choose to laugh it off, forgive, and non-judgmentally accept that people make mistakes.

I am trying to do the same.

It’s important to be charitable, Luki, but always remember that true kindness goes far beyond generosity.

Love,

Mom